flashback: his first friend – sharing


Posted by appa | Posted in habits | Posted on 08-09-2009


This is based on a comment left on Shruthi’s post on Sharing

Abhinav’s first friend – a German baby Adrian.

All kinds of different reactions by the two babies were just amazing. Though I’ll never really know to what extent they were able to identify what was going on – there was definitely a lot of curiosity factor. The best part was their ‘arm wrestling’ when both fo them seemed to want to pull each others hand :))

The evening had started pleasantly, but it took a somewhat disastrous turn once Adrian took a liking to Abhinav’s ‘magic slate’. Abhinav started becoming real cranky. Later on after considerable negotiation and pacification and what not, they become friends again and Abhinav even fed some food to Adrian! 🙂

To cut a long story short – lesson learnt was not to introduce something that the kid is posessive about, right in the beginning. Let the kids become friendly and familiar with each other and learn to trust each other. This takes time and patience. Then introduce only opportunities to share, but not bother too much if they don’t seem too inclined to, this is my somewhat current opinion subject to change maybe with some more thought…

While on the one hand it may sound very goody goody to share, on the other hand I think the non-sharing due to posessiveness kind of prevents them from becoming too naive and vulnerable, and may be helpful in a way to a certain extent.

Shruthi, as you have highlighted very importantly in an example – “she had enough raisins for herself, enough to feel sufficiently magnanimous”, I think its important for parents to inculcate the feeling of abundance right from the beginning (concept of abundance is explained quite well in Deepak Chopra’s book Seven Laws of Spiritual Success). The feeling that life is not a rat race, and that there is enough for everybody – more of an attitude that goes beyond specific situations.

Btw this sharing/non-sharing may also depend on specific people. Abhinav generally can be a bit rough on kids he wants to do ‘chubby cheeks’ grab any unsuspecting kid’s cheek and pinch it red whenever he gets a chance! But he dosen’t do (ok do = try to do – because we’re usually on to him and stop him before he actually does!) this with some kids who are very cool and relaxed as you witnessed. So I feel that apart from what we have discussed in this page, there must be other factors we don’t really know about.

Btw even I was wondering whether its natural to share or not. Sometimes I wonder why people do phd in some rocket science when there are so many fascinating aspects of human nature we are still yet to discover :))

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